Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
