You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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