so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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