I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
