It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
