Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
