Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
