Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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