When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
