Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
