dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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