R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
