My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish my penis had a tongue
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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