I want to make a zoo with you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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