Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
