Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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