Your dad touched me again.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
