Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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