I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
