Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
