u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
