It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This house was built for laser tag.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
