cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sext me about skeletons
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
