he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
