I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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