I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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