When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
two words: eviction party
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
