question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
