I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
