I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
