he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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