Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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