can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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