Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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