If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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