Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
