to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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