I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
