'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
