The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
