those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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