now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
