i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
