The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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