I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
