Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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