Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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