the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
