How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
