I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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