And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
