Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
