filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
