Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
