I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
