please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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