You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
