The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
