My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
