You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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