I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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