it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
