You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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