you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
