I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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