I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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