Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize