Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
