Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My pussy is not your playground.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
