Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
