ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
