My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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