im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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