It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
