i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
