Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
