On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
the raccoons are back...
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