Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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