just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
