grandma shit on top of the toilet
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
