Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
its liver damage thursday
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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