the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
